some days i can go from being depressed to a complete state of joy, within the same hour. i have no idea why that is, but at least i can look forward to being happy at least once a day, instead of being stuck in a pit of depression for weeks like i used to feel.

food wise, i guess i'm still in "recovery" mode. i am eating plenty of calories, probably more than i need, and my weight has plateaued at about 15-17 pounds heavier than when i started recovery. i'm not going to lie and say that after nearly two months of recovery i suddenly love food, love my body, etc. i dread every meal, still count calories (though they add up to quadruple digits for the first time in a year), and i can't stand my body. luckily though, my ed no longer consumes my life. sure, i count calories, but i can also have a managable social life and i am learning to enjoy the activities i gave up when my eating disorder began. i am just anxious to know when the self confidence begins and when i will love my body. come faster!