Hey, I can totally relate to this. I was stuck in this cycle for a long time. Each time I started it again I would tell myself 'this time I wont eat, I wont give in'. But as you say, your body eventually takes over your mind. Something that has helped/is helping me - When I start to restrict on day 1, I tell myself that it's only going to end in me binging in a few days and feeling awful. My therapist told me to ask myself if this cycle was really working for me, which is wasn't.

I know it's so so so hard to give up the feelings of light headedness and control, I know how amazing those feelings are and I honestly didn't think I could do it. But I've managed a couple of months now without being too deep in this cycle, it gets a tiny bit easier every day with each step you take in recovery. It's hard, but it's totally worth it.

Hope this helps in some way